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  • Writer's pictureCarmen Hernandez

Coming Back to You

There is something to be said about life's ups and its downs. Sometimes it feels like life just chips away at you little by little until you’re covered in cracks or scars that you just can’t heal properly. Sometimes it feels like too many people hurt and disregard you; you feel betrayed and you cannot trust anyone. Sometimes you’re so afraid you end up hiding yourself away - maybe in a physical place like your room. Or you run away via fictional stories to different worlds so you can cope with the disappointment in this one. And sometimes it just feels like you’re on your own and you’ve got no one to lean on.

But then sometimes you learn that you actually have a lot of people in your corner, backing you up. People that care for you and want to see you happy. People who hurt when they see you hurting, and rejoice when they see you winning. Sometimes you're amazed to find that there are people who will show up. Just for you. People who will laugh with you, cry with you, and who will be your accomplices in some crazy shit. Trust me, I know how surprising it is when you sit back and realize that you have an entire community behind you.

Generally we get swept up in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives - our channels are automatically looping that regularly scheduled programing (school, work, responsibilities, etc.). And those things take up all of our attention until we again get reminded that we are humans with feelings; with trials and tribulations. And for some of us it's difficult to keep going on in that loop without coming out to look back at ourselves, and our lives, with a sense of bleakness. Those times when you think that your daily life is monotonous and dry; and you wonder, "what's the point of it all?" Those are the days when everything feels abnormal and off-kilter. The days when you think that you should just forget about everything and give it all up. Because really, what is the point of it all in the grand scheme of things right? Who are you, but a little speck of dirt walking about aimlessly in this strange system of things we've made up, on a floating rock, in the vastness that is outer space.

And all the while, you're being pulled further and further down that pit full of thoughts and feelings that just weigh you down. I know, I've been there too. The pit can be pretty endless and dark, and the thoughts just get more and more wretched the further down you go. But then, sometimes you get a reprieve from an outside source that seems to awake you from that place for a bit. It brings you back out of the pit and the darkness, and opens your eyes to a bit of light and warmth that finally reminds you "to fight just a little and bring back the fire in [your] eyes that was gone but used to be [yours]" - as Sara Bareilles so perfectly says in her song She used to be mine.

All it takes is one good experience, one laugh, one person, or one smile to get you back to yourself and shake you awake. For a chance to start over and rewrite the scenes in your channel for a better ending. For a you that gets up after you fall; a you who fights even though you're hurt and a you who brings back a version of yourself that was full of life.

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