Monthly Motivational Shit
- Jun 1, 2020
- 6 min read

#SumItUpSunday: (Monday) June 1st, 2020

Alright, so I as a writer have missed two articles two weeks in a row and this article itself is being written about 18 hrs past its deadline.

If you are reading this there is a pretty high chance that you live on the same Earth as I do, and if we didn't think a month ago was already a lot to take in from an empath level - here we are today!

The virus still exists, the moon greets us with a little more of her each night, some fucked up cop killed another person in broad daylight and ignited the explosion that has been brewing, Lightworkers continue to harness balance in these times, and millions of lives and realities across this universe continue to clash and unfold themselves as they are meant to.

Now, let's get really personal and vulnerable. There is a lot going on and it is all happening at once. There are many people that I fear for because of the fact that so many other people are intimidated by the glow and the power that radiates from melanated history and flesh. Right now, we are fighting Nature (this virus that won't just disappear by the way), fed up- we are are fighting a system never built to see all thrive, and we are fighting each other on the same side of the fence.

I am a Brown Immigrant and I will admit, there was a time in my life in which I thought I hated Black people. From the bottom of my heart, I am really fucking sorry. That level of

(actually, lack of) led me to learn that Anger and Hate is a secondary emotion to something deeper- being hurt. The first time that I saw a Black Person was when I first came back to the "grand and beautiful" United States of America. I got out of the plane and explored the halls of the airport in awe while taking deep breaths and thinking, "This is AMERICAN air! Wow!". Eventually, I came across the first set of electric stairways and I will never forget how infinite they seemed to me as I looked up and saw even more space to explore.

As I rudely stared at everything and everyone in amazement, I gazed my childish eyes on two black men affront of me. I had never seen anyone so Black back in El Salvador. My heart still warms up as I recall the happiness and pure curiosity I felt at that moment. Their skin seemed to me like that of a black sea- quiet, with limitless depth, and infinite life and power. Since my feet had been walking on American grounds, the ruckus and chaos going on around me had intimidated me into admiring everything I saw in silence. The Blackness of those two strangers inspired sound to emit itself as I started to ask, "Tia, como se trenzan su pelo haci? [Aunty, how do they braid their hair like that?]"

I had never in my life up to that date ever seen or imagined Corn Rows. I had no idea then, the survival skill that Corn Rows rooted from but when I continued to learn more and more- it only became more and more clear to me that there is Power in Melanin and for decades and lifetimes, there has been a war against it. I was young then and I was young when I let fear run my perspective for stage in my growing pains.

Now, I will not get into every detail regarding my childhood and my introductions to the cruelties of the world. In short, a Black Man whom I trusted and acknowledged as a father figure in my young teenage life raped me. At that time, I was also blamed for it and even kicked out of my home for it by my biological mother. I didn't know who to turn to or how to process everything going on. At that point, I took what was affront of me and made toxic generalizations about the world around me, "Trust no one, Black Man rape, and I am worthless". Even then, the thought of thinking ill of my mom didn't cross my mind and focusing all that energy on my anger and self-destruction was my solution.

As years passed , more "truths of the world" continued to unfold themselves. One year, after being homeless and reaching one of the lowest points in my life, my uncle from my Salvadoran side of the family taught me a life changing lesson that opened my eye to the bigger picture. That year, I rented my tia and tio's basement but there were a lot of things I still had to learn and therefor I didn't take care of it with the respect that would of been honorable. I fled from there as fast as I could catch a bus and never returned. On a father's day, when my Tia was in El Salvador, and my primas were at the movies- my tio asked me for a hug. As I hugged him, he held on and dragged me into his bed and proceeded to get on top of me. Fortunately, there was no rape. There was only a strong desire to enter my body and the Grace of something much Higher than you and I saved me that day. And that is when it hit me, "Fucked up people will be Fucked up people".

That is when I learned that each person as an individual has the option to make a decision

every single fucking day that they rise. The options are "Be a Dick or Be Kind", it is genuinely up to YOU. That is when I learned it's never been about a person's skin tone- it has always been about their spirit. That is when I learned to look beyond what I saw with my eyes, and to be open to see much deeper. I am blessed, I know that, and I thank my ancestors consistently for staying so close to me during this journey.

I have been able to receive this Truth and it's a blessing that I will not question. And this truth has presented itself in many forms, in various lessons, and endless situations.

Black is Beauty. Black is Power. Black is History. Black is Black.

Unfortunately, there are MANY that refuse to acknowledge this truth and choose to hate and beat on a whole race.

This same Truth presents itself to many individuals, and right now what is mostly being felt is ANGER with every right. The countless unjustified deaths and the ever repeating discriminating history has currently reached the tipping point and boy you hear the power in our voices!!!

What are you doing during these times of the unheard assuring they are heard?

What are you doing to keep YOU safe?

What conversations are you having in your home regarding police brutality?

What actions are you taking to communicate Love, Support, and Understanding to those in your CLOSE CIRCLE that are Black?

How are you contributing to the balance of the world as a collective?

How are you standing with your Black Brothers and Sisters?

Do you have Black people in your circle?

I get it, my choice of words can be a little... I don't know uncomfortable for some.

What has been comfortable can no longer be acceptable. These questions are not to inspire you to do anything you don't see yourself doing. I ask these questions with the hope that maybe it will ignite spiritual awareness of your own Potential, the Power of Self-Love, and the Power Love for others. By no means am I supporting the thought of just assuming the next 5 white cops you meet will be saints. This is a reminder that wherever you go, and whatever you encounter- you will meet both good and bad people and neither are clearly labeled.

I encourage you to Love those whom you Love, and Love them so damn hard. Point blank period. Fight for them until the end and Stand for what you believe in always.