Maybe someone is best defined by how they affect the people around them. I’m thoroughly convinced that if people who feel broken find each-other, befriend each-other, and support each-other then they can help each-other heal. I think that itself is the human experience. Our world is an intricate experiment where people interconnect and lives clash together to forge a newly merged different outcome or reality. The possibilities are endless in life. And the reason why two lost souls can find meaning together is because they can understand each-other in their mess when others find them help-less.
For a very long time I was depressed. Don’t get me wrong, I still get sad for no apparent reason sometimes, but at that time sadness couldn’t even come close to describe how i felt. It was a - crawl under the covers, drown out the world, let everything go - kind of feeling. I was in, what I like to call, my pit. In my pit I’d have any number of negative feelings just merging and colliding and taking up space within me. Fighting for dominance. Sometimes sad was the dominant feeling, or at least it was the easiest to describe. Other times it was anguish and self-hatred. I felt worthless and powerless and unwanted. I felt small and extinguishable. Like i could disappear any moment and nobody would bat an eye. It was a rough time. I was feeling so many things all at once. I couldn’t leave my bed and i couldn’t talk to people and i couldn’t do life things. All i could do was just wallow further and further into my pit, my anguish. It was pretty damn horrible.
But i had a friend who was probably going through something similar at the time. She’d come and lay in bed with me, and hole up away from the world with me. We fed into each others negative feelings. We were miserable together and we comforted each-other within that misery. It was wonderful really. Not the feelings, but the camaraderie. The company. Devoid of judgment or expectation. Just simple company. Her presence kept me sane. It helped me through. A woman who seemed just as broken as me, or more even, helped me get past my pain and hurt. She was there for me and reminded me i was worth something to someone when i felt the most worthless. And i could tell i was doing the same for her.
I think that’s the human experience at its finest. They say “hurt people, hurt people” but sometimes, hurt people help heal. Sometimes hurt people know just what to do and how to approach you. Human interaction that fosters comfort and acceptance is key. I think it’s the secret of life. It’s the right way to do this human thing.
And music, of course, helped me get through that time in my life too. Music has a way of making you feel understood and making you feel like you're not alone too. Have you heard the Steven Universe Soundtrack? It’s pretty fucking amazing so if you haven’t, you should...matter fact just watch the whole tv series. It’ll heal you. Promise. Anyway, there’s a song that i had on replay while going through my pit situation - Here Comes a Thought. It helped me to realign in moments i couldn’t do anything other than just drown. The whole song is sung by pairs; one giving words of comfort to the other - “It’s okay...you’ve got nothing to fear...I’m here.” Repeated over and over. That’s the equivalent of what i received from my friend. She didn’t specifically say those words - although I’m sure she supplied a number of comforting words for me - but she was there.
But, mainly, company was what I think helped me most. Have you ever found yourself following your friends around to do their errands just because you wanted company, and you would most definitely do work if it meant you’d be around someone? I do it all the time. I go grocery shopping with my friends. I help them clean their place. I go out of my way for others just so that I can have them near me. It’s not that i don’t like to be alone, it’s not that I’m being selfless, it’s just that i like to have company. I like it when someone is always there.
We, humans, are simple creatures; all we want is companionship. And really, we’re all broken in some way. Somehow, at some point, someone hurt us or we hurt ourselves and we walk through life carrying that pain. Some of us try to hide it; put on a smile even if you don’t feel like smiling. Some of us wear it like a badge of honor, and some of us cannot even acknowledge it. Everyone is different. We all have our own coping mechanisms - we don’t cry in public, we say we want to be alone. But really all we really need is company and understanding. I was fortunate enough to find the exact company i needed at the time that i needed it. The right person, with the right life experience that would allow her to approach me without judgment, at a time when i judged myself the most heavily. I’m grateful for her. Through her and by her, i received the tools i needed. I’m grateful for TV shows and movies and music that heal, through them and by them i was able to deal. Hopefully you too have received such comfort. Hopefully you understand. Hopefully you too have been healed. Sometimes, hurt people help heal.
Thank You, Carmen Hernandez